


Tangled Wings

by Fubby77



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Ghostbur, Glatt Mentioned, Hybrids, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Other, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Wings, mention of selfharm, sbi, sbi family, trama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:01:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28492806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fubby77/pseuds/Fubby77
Summary: Basically a fic I forgot to post but finally remembered existed!Tommy had been on his own for over a year since his exile until two old friends find him. He had adapted to his wings and was a deadly fighter now. What if he finally decides to go back “home”?
Relationships: Eret & Floris | Fundy, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Toby Smith | Tubbo/TommyInnit
Comments: 6
Kudos: 256





	1. Found again

**Author's Note:**

> This is kinda sloppily done but I tried to wrap it up ok!

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Tommy didn’t think it would go this far. That’s his problem! He. Didn’t. Think. Now he was running for his life, away from the place he once called home. From the people he once loved and called his friends. No one stood up to him and now he was alone. The only trace he left was the love letter he had left on Tubbo’s door before he ran. Even though Tubbo had exiled him and now he was running through a forest as fast as he could, he still loved him.

“Fuck!” Tommy screamed as he tripped over a tree root. He tumbled harshly to the ground and felt a pain shoot up his back. Quickly picking himself up, he looked around and brushed off his clothes. He knew he had been running for a while, only taking breaks when desperately needed. His back and feet ached from running so much and the fall. 

“I should be far enough now,” he muttered to himself as he quickly stripped off Wil- his coat and shirt. He fell to the ground as a pair of massive colored wings shot out of his back. Tommy gasped for air after the painful release of his wings. He hadn’t taken them out since some point during his stay at Pogtopia. He knew he would only hurt himself more by hiding them but he didn't want people to look at him differently. Wingfolk were always treated differently and were rarely respected by others. Tommy’s dad, Philza, was one of the few that were respected by most. Tommy ran a hand through the soft feathers as he tried to calm himself. His wings were messy and clearly uncared for but he still loved how they looked and felt. After his breathing was normal again, he stood and surveyed his surroundings properly. He was at the edge of an oak forest that slowly led into a jungle. 

“I could make a treehouse! Now that I don’t have to worry about hiding my wings, I could make a house up in the trees. This is going to be so cool! First I need to make a place to sleep for the night first,” Tommy told himself as he saw the sun getting lower in the sky. He knew he would have to make a house on the ground first, because he had never learned how to fly so the treehouse would have to be built later. Plus, he doubted he could even lift himself off the ground with how sore and weak his wings were currently. He quickly set off to gathering materials and things he would need. 

2 hours later he had a little shack set up for the night. The sun was settling and he could hear monsters coming out from their hiding places. Tommy curled up in his bed and watched as the night slowly took over. He almost instantly passed out from the exhaustion that filled his body. ‘Tomorrow will better’ he thought to himself before sleep took him.

—.—.—.—.—.—.—

It had been about a month since Tommy had been exiled from New L’Manberg. He had been doing great for the situation at hand. He had the base of his treehouse set up and his house on the ground was mostly built underground and covered in leaves and vines to hide it from anyone passing through. He hadn’t seen anyone during his time there and he didn’t mind it too much. Sure there were times when he would fall asleep crying hoping someone would find him, but no one needed to know that. His wings were slowly gaining strength and he had finally preened them for the first time in months. Tommy could hold himself in the air for about 5 minutes before he got tired. Tommy was proud of what he had built for himself and knew that maybe one day he would invite some friends over or Tubbo. He missed Tubbo. For now he survived with what he had.

—.—.—.—.—.—.—

Tommy had been flying over the small lake he had found when he heard the sound of distant beats of large wings. Tommy quickly shot to the trees and hid in some bushes as the sound approached the lake to most likely get water. He heard as something landed on the bank and he peaked out to look across the lake at the human figure gathering water. Tommy saw another figure walking out of the tree line not far behind but this one didn’t have wings. Tommy instantly knew who they were and debated if he should show himself or not. It had been over a year since he had seen Phil and Techno. 

“Who there?” Techno said loudly as he looked around the edge of the lake. Tommy froze, he had forgotten that it was near impossible to hide from Technoblade. Tommy decided to say ‘screw it’ and shot out of the bushes with a sword in hand and attacked Techno. He grinned as Techno blocked his swing and froze when he saw who it was.

“Hey guys! How have things been?” Tommy said as he backed away but was still hovering in the air. They looked at him in pure shock but Tommy couldn’t tell if it was because of him or his wings. It was probably both. He now had longer hair that was held in a ponytail and had a little bit of scruff on his chin. His muscles were more defined and he definitely looked older and less scrawny now. His clothes were lose to compensate for the hot weather and his wings. 

“Are you guys just going to stand there and stare or come with me to my house? I have never had guests before so it would be nice if you guys would at least let me treat you for one night,” Tommy said as he finally landed and started walking into the forest. Phil sputtered nonsense as Techno laughed and followed the younger boy? Man? He had definitely grown up.

“How have you been, Kid? Everyone thinks you’re dead so it’s nice to see you,” Techno explained as he heard Phil also start to follow them. Tommy laughed at the news.

“I’ve been good. I find it funny that they send me into exile then think I’m dead cause I don’t show up for a while. Why are you guys this far out anyways?” Tommy asks as he walks through the forest he had memorized like the back of his hand. 

“We were looking for you actually. Tubbo refuses to believe you’re dead, so he sent me and Techno to look for you under the ruse of him wanting to know the surrounding area. It looks like we completed that goal,” Phil explained cheerfully. Tommy nodded and stopped at the base of a big tree. 

“Okay Techno, do you want to climb or let someone fly you up? It’s quite a climb to the top,” Tommy asked as he turned to face Techno. They both looked puzzled but Techno just put his arm out so he could be picked up. Tommy nodded and took off and headed to his house at the top of the trees. Phil grabbed Techno and launched after Tommy. They landed on the landing pad that Tommy had built at the entrance of his house. 

“Welcome to my humble abode. Come in and I guess leave your shoes by the door,” Tommy said as he entered and that was the first time they noticed that Tommy wasn’t wearing shoes and he had claws on his feet. The house actually looked good and was built with multiple woods and types of stone. They entered after Tommy and took off their shoes at the door. 

“This place is actually really nice, Tommy. How bored did you get to actually put effort on your house?” Techno teased as they entered what he assumed was the living room. Tommy flipped him off as he walked over to the balcony and opened the doors to let fresh air in. Bird instantly flocked on the railing as Tommy refilled the feeders with seed.

“When you have nothing to do for a year, you tend to get pretty bored. You can only gather so many materials before you find no need to gather more. I spend most of my days flying around and making sure everything is in order. I’ve basically become the Gardinen of this section of the forest,” Tommy explained as he petted the parrot that had landed on his shoulder. Techno and Phil were shocked at how mature and happy the boy looked but they both saw the sadness that hid in his eyes. They both saw the multiple old scars on his arms and legs that looked too neat to be on accident. Tommy felt their staring and sighed sadly.

“They are all old and I haven’t had thoughts about doing anything for over 4 months. I can feel you starting and I get you’re wondering what happened but I’m not going to talk about it right now. I will show you where the guest rooms are and then we can eat and talk,” Tommy said as he moved across the room to a different door that led to a walkway. He motions for them to follow and leads them to another section of the treehouse. He shows them where they will be saying and then heads back to the mainroom to wait. Tommy runs a hand through his hair with a shaky sigh.

‘Have I really changed that much? I don’t even know how to talk to them without feeling on edge! I hate this. What if they tell Tubbo where I am? What if they want me to come back with them? I don’t think I’m ready to go back there,” Tommy thinks to himself as he waits for the other two to settle down. Tommy decides to start preparing dinner and hopes they don’t mind that he doesn’t have any meat in his house. He stopped eating meat a while ago because he deemed it more entertaining to go out and farm and gather food. He basically had any vegetable or fruit you could think of and he was very proud of the variety. He also baked a lot to pass the time and had perfected many recipes. When he first started cooking it was a disaster and burned almost everything but he slowly perfected his skill. He also may have snuck into New L’Manberg to steal some cookbooks from Niki after a few to many failed attempts. 

“It smells good in here, when did you fucking learn to not burn down a kitchen?” Techno asked as he entered the kitchen with Phil following behind him. Tommy shrugged as he checked the bread in the oven. 

“Had to survive and after a while the same food everyday became old so decided to learn how to spice things up,” he responded with a little chuckle at the end. 

“Can we help in any way? I feel bad making you cook for us,” Phil asked. Tommy shook his head as he moved around the kitchen with practiced ease. Cooking was one of his favorite things to do and refused to let anyone mess with anything in there. One time a bird had broken in and destroyed part of the kitchen, he was so angry he made sure that he always had the windows always locked after that. Tommy hummed a tune familiar as he worked.

“I heard there was a special place, where men could go and emancipate the brutality and tyranny of their rulers,” Tommy sang softly as he started to set the table. Phil and Techno were talking about something but Tommy zoned them out as he worked. He hadn’t talked to anyone except for himself and the animals for over a year and was definitely rusty at keeping up a conversation.

“Shall we eat? I’m sorry there’s no meat but I don’t want to go through the pain of taking care of animals,” Tommy explained as he sat down with them. Techno and Phil nodded in understanding as they started to dish themselves food. 

“How is New L’Manberg? I’ve only been there once since I’ve been exiled and it was night so I didn’t really get a good look. You said Tubbo sent you, how is he?,” Tommy asked as they ate. Phil and Techno shared a look before Phil answered.

“It’s beautiful. They’ve really built it up and people are doing well. Tubbo is Vice President and Ranboo is President now, but they are a good duo for the job. Tubbo tends to overwork himself a lot and rarely talks to others but he’s doing good. Dream lifted your exile when Ranboo won the election and Tubbo has all your discs now,” Phil said softly. Tommy cringed at the thought of the discs, he had forgotten about them if he was being honest. Maybe he should visit. 

“When do you guys plan on heading back? I think it’s about time I visit everyone and see how things are going. I need some time to make sure that everything is in place here before I leave of course but it shouldn’t take long,” Tommy questioned. 

“We can head back whenever you want to. I want at least one day to rest and gather strength but after that we should be good. I suggest you bring warm clothes cause it’s almost Christmas so it’s definitely cold,” Techno said after swallowing some potatoes.

“WAIT REALLY? I’ve lost track of basically all time here because it’s always warm and humid. I should bring everyone gifts and I’ll have to make warm clothes because I don’t own any. Should I also bring armor and weapons or just leave it in my enderchest?” He asked excitedly. He hasn’t felt this excited in a while. Phil chuckled at his antics and Techno smiled softly. 

“Everyone is really peaceful so I’d leave in the chest. I bet Phil would be happy to help you get presents for everyone and make clothes and I can help make sure everything's in order for you here. I haven’t had a chance to farm in forever so that would be nice,” Techno states with a smile as he picks up everyone’s empty plates and moves them to the sink. Tommy also stands and starts to clean up the extra food and gives the scraps to the birds. After everything is cleaned up, they decide to go to bed for the night.

“Good night!” Yelled Tommy as he closed the door behind him. He slides down the door and curls into a ball as what he just agreed to hits him. He’s going to see everyone and Tubbo again. He doesn’t blame them for never visiting because he’s so far away but he’s scared to see them. He’s changed a lot but he doesn’t want them to think he’s different. 

“A midnight fly will clear my head,” Tommy muttered to himself as he approaches his balcony. Most rooms along his tree house had platforms or balconies that he can use to leave and enter from. Tommy launched himself into the air and made sure he flew the opposite direction of guest rooms. He didn’t want to wake up his guest plus Phil could also fly and he might try to join him. Maybe he would ask Phil to join him. He hadn’t had someone to talk to in forever and it would be nice to fly with someone.

“I don’t want to wake him up though,” Tommy thought out loud. Suddenly Tommy could hear a guitar being played from one of the guest rooms and it wasn’t hard to guess it was Phil. Techno looked like he was about to drop after dinner so there was no way he was awake. Tommy made his way towards the sound and realized it was the L’Manberg anthem. Tommy silently landed on the roof above Phil’s room as saw that Phil was sitting on the balcony playing the guitar. Tommy listened silently and didn’t realize he had started crying until he started to sing along. 

“It’s a very big and not blown up L’Manberg. My L’Manberg, My L’Manberg,” Tommy choked out through a sob. The strumming stopped suddenly and he heard Phil jump. He heard Phil shuffle around before flying up and join Tommy on the roof. Phil looked at the broken boy in front of him and quickly sat next to him and pulled him into a hug. 

“I’m scared, Dad,” Tommy choked out before fully breaking down in Phil’s arms. Phil heard footsteps approaching and saw Techno had climbed onto the roof too. Techno sat down next to Tommy on his other side and leaned into him. Phil smiled at his boys before pulling them both into a side hug as he hummed a soft melody. Tommy sobbed and explained his fears to his family for the first time in what felt like forever. Tommy calmed down after a couple minutes and was now softly snoring in Phil’s arms.

“Want to join us in my room? Group cuddle time?” Phil asked Techno jokingly as he picked up the sleeping boy carefully, trying to avoid hurting his wings. Techno nodded and mumbled something close to a yes. They moved onto the balcony then to the king bed that was in the guest room. They all got comfortable and made sure to not squish any wings or Techno’s tail in the process. Soon they were all asleep and using each other's company to scare away nightmares that might plague them. It was the first time in a long time that Tommy didn’t wake up screaming throughout the night. It was nice.

The next day moved slowly but was over too quickly in Tommy’s mind. They had worked on different tasks throughout the day and were done by dinner. Techno harvested all the farms and went through Tommy’s storage room looking for supplies and things that they could use. Phil helped Tommy make winter clothes and flew over the section of the forest Tommy looked over for anything that was off and intruders. Tommy worked on packing a travel bag and finding gifts for everyone. By dinner they were all worn out but happy to have eachothers company as they ate. Night came quickly and they decided to all pass out in the same room again. Phil had messaged Tubbo and Ranboo that they would be coming back for Christmas earlier then planned but decided not to tell them about Tommy quite yet. They decided that his presence was going to be one of Tubbo’s presents so they kept him a surprise. As soon as dawn hit, they double checked their supplies and headed out. Tommy and Phil flew while Techno jumped across the tops of trees to keep up. If Techno got too tired Phil would carry him till he was rested then he would go back to running. This process continued until lunch when the constant flying got to Tommy. They ate a cold meal of vegetables and bread then were off again. At this pace they hoped to get there before dinner time.

“None of them hate me, right?” Tommy randomly asked as they flew. Phil looked over his shoulder in worry and slowed down a little to fly alongside him. Techno was in his arms currently because they were flying over some bumpy plains.

“No Tommy, they all miss you dearly and I honestly think Dream even misses you a little bit too. You were the light that lit up everyone’s life and when you left, everything dampened,” Phil answered honestly. Tommy seemed to be deep in thought and Phil decided to let him think and flew ahead to lead the way again. The only sound was the flapping of wings every once in a while. The temperature was slowly dropping and they had to stop at one point to change into their thicker clothes. Tommy was so used to the jungle that he wasn’t used to the cold weather anymore. Tommy was glad he could cover the scars that littered his arms and legs. In the distance Phil thought he saw something but Tommy was the one to prove his suspicions.

“That’s my Intimidation Tower!” Tommy exclaimed excitedly and quickly picked up his pace. The pink stripes had faded over time but it still stood strong. Tommy circled it a few times before flying straight towards New L’Manberg. Phil shot after him. Tommy landed on the docks excitedly and looked around happily but you could tell he was tense. He put Techno down first and then landed next to the boy on the docks. Seeing Tommy overflowing with so much excitement and pure chaos made Phil smile. Tommy was home! Sure his house in the jungle was a home but they say “The home is where the heart is” and his heart was definitely here. He quickly ran down the docks with Phil and Techno following not too far behind. Phil wasn’t lying when he said the place was beautiful and improved. There were new houses and a lake where the creator used to be. There were new structures everywhere and he saw people chatting in the distance. Tommy easily spotted Niki, Eret, Fundy, Big Q, and Tubbo and froze in place. He hadn’t seen them in a year but they were all basically the same with little difference here and there. Like Tubbo’s horns were fully grown or Fundy wore a crown and cape similar to Eret’s. 

“Go get em’ Tommy,” Techno said with a slight push to his back. Tommy stumbled slightly and sent a glare at the man. It wasn’t that easy to just approach the love of his life and his friends after a year of exile. He needs to stop thinking and just go for it. Soon Tommy was sprinting full force towards the group. 

“TUBBO!” Tommy screamed as he approached the group. Tubbo looked at him confused for two seconds before he realized who it was.

“TOMMY!” Tubbo screamed as he ran towards the boy who practically flew into his arms. They gripped onto each other and if you asked if they cried they would have denied it. They missed each other, what can I say?

“Tommy, what are you doing here? We thought you were dead and no one had seen you since last year and I-“ Tubbo was cut off by a hand on his mouth. 

“Tubbo, calm down. I’m here now and that’s what matters,” Tommy smiled softly at the boy in his arms. He loved this boy and that he could never deny that. Far too soon, Tommy was forced to look away from Tubbo.

“Tommy! You came back! Your wings are out too,” Niki cheered as Big Q offered them a hand to stand up. He smiled and hugged Niki and Big Q, still definitely not crying. Eret smiled and Fundy cheered which got the attention of other people.

“Tommy?” Tommy whipped around to look at the ghost who floated a few feet away from him. Tommy smiled and dug around in his bag, before offering some blue to the ghost.

“Would you like some blue, Ghostbur?” Tommy asked and the ghost lunged at him and hugged him the best he could. Tommy heard Phil laughing from behind him but decided to ignore it.

“I was confused why you were taking blue dye with you but I should have guessed it was for Ghostbur,” Phil explained. Niki and Eret chuckled at the man's response.

“Tommy I’m so sorry for everything I did. After you left I slowly started to remember more and more and I realize I was a horrible person and brother in the end. You’ve grown up so much and I’m glad you’re not afraid to hide your wings anymore. I want you to know that I’m proud of you and I’m sorry I blew up your home,” Ghostbur explained as he started crying. Tommy was frozen and everyone seemed as shocked as he was. 

“Our home Wilbur,” Tommy corrected as he smiled at his brother. Wilbur froze and looked at Tommy as tears streamed down his face. Wilbur smiled and let go of Tommy. Everyone watched as he slowly started to fade. Tommy felt the cold a lot more now.

“Thank you Tommy, my goal is complete now but don’t worry, I’ll be waiting for you all. I love you Tommy and Techno and I'm sorry I was such a bad son, Dad,” Wilbur smiled as he faded and Tommy swore and he saw another person in a blue sweatshirt hug Wilbur. He was gone too quickly for him to be certain. Everyone was frozen in place and stared at the place where Wilbur once floated.

“I guess it was about time we gave him a proper release. It’s time we gave him a proper funeral and a tombstone for him but we can worry about that later, okay?” Niki said as she placed a hand on his shoulder. Tommy nodded and looked at Phil and Techno to see them also nod with a sad look in their eyes. Everyone seemed to forget that Wilbur was actually dead until he was ready to leave for good. 

“Tommy, will you be staying in L’Manberg for a while?” Tubbo asked him, trying to break the tension. Tommy honestly didn’t think about how long he planned to stay. He did want to abandon his house in the jungle but they could just link up a nether portal so it wasn’t nearly as far. 

“I didn’t think that far ahead if I’m being honest. I think it would be a good idea to make a path in the nether from my house to here. I don’t want to leave my house that I built and I have a lot of good resources out there that we could use here,” Tommy explained to Tubbo. Tubbo nodded and turned to everyone else.

“I’m going to go to talk to Ranboo and tell him that Tommy is back. Be prepared for a gathering later today and we will probably have a feast for dinner. Its not everyday that one of the founders of the country and friend to many comes home,” Tubbo explained. Multiple “understood Vice President” were heard as Tubbo dragged Tommy down the path. Tommy waved goodbye and smiled as he followed Tubbo. 

“So Mr. Vice President, where are you taking me now?” Tommy said with an shit eating grin. Tubbo smiled and rolled his eyes. 

“To Ranboo, he needs to know that you’re here plus he’s in a meeting with Dream right now so we can also tell him you’re here,” Tubbo explained as he intertwined his hand with Tommy’s as they walked. Tommy slightly blushed but only squeezed Tubbo’s hand harder. They walked in a comfortable silence as they walked to Ranboo’s office. Soon Tubbo stopped in front of one of the new buildings that Tommy had not seen before and walked inside. Tubbo let go of his hand before knocking on one of the doors. He heard a faint “come in” before Tubbo opened the door and walked in and Tommy followed behind.

“Tubbo! How ca- Tommy? Is that really you?” Ranboo said as he stumbled over his own words. Tommy nodded but was looking at the other person in the room. There in all his glory was Dream and Tommy really just wanted to deck him in the face. Tubbo grabbed his hand as if reading his mind and shook his head at Tommy. Tommy sighed and tried to relax a little. 

“I see that you have finally returned, Tommy. It only took you a year to get the guts to come back. I see you aren’t hiding your wings anymore too,” Dream said with a very noticeable smile in his tone. Tommy snapped his head back towards him and glared. 

“I didn’t come here to pick a fight with you, Dream. I came here to see my friends and to enjoy the holidays. The only reason I even thought about coming here was because of Phil and Techno finding my hideout. I don’t give two shits about the discs anymore so you currently hold no power over me,” Tommy growled at Dream. Everyone stood frozen at the pure amount of hate radiating from Tommy but Ranboo decided to break the ice. 

“We will have to finish this meeting at a different time, Dream. I need to tend to different needs right now,” Ranboo said cooley. Dream nodded and walked past the teenagers quickly as he left. Tommy huffed in annoyance after he left and Tubbo chuckled lightly at his antics. Ranboo motioned for them to sit down in the chairs in front of his desk. Tommy noticed how Ranboo seemed to hold himself up more and definitely had a strong confidence around him. He definitely felt like he was talking to the president.

“It’s nice to see you again, Tommy! It’s been far too long and I hope we can show you how grateful to have you back. I’m assuming you came here with a goal in mind?” Ranboo said calmly. Tubbo nodded and started to explain.

“I wanted to see if we could give Tommy his old house back and I was thinking it would be nice to hold a celebration tonight. It’s been awhile since everyone has gathered together for an event,” Tubbo explained with the same sense of authority Ranboo held. Ranboo nodded and seemed to stop and think. 

“Tommy can have his house back and a celebration sounds great. We can hold it next to the Christmas tree in the town center and I doubt Niki would mind baking some treats for use,” Ranboo said.

“I can help Niki cook! After living on my own for a while, I learned how to cook pretty well. You can ask Phil and Techno if you need proof. I also brought some spices and foods from the Jungle,” Tommy said, buzzing with excitement. Ranboo nodded in thought and Tubbo chuckled softly at his excitement. Ranboo dismissed them after they caught up a little more and made plans for tonight. Tubbo and Tommy started making their way to Tommy’s house so Tommy could put his things away from his journey.

“I made sure your house stayed in shape and no one would tamper with it while you were gone. There’s a few things missing from the chests but other than that it should be fine,” Tubbo explained as they approached his old house. Tubbo wasn’t lying when he made sure it stayed in shape, it looked like he never left. Tommy grabbed Tubbo’s hand and muttered a soft thanks before walking in. After putting away all his stuff and making sure Tubbo was out of the room when he put away the Christmas presents, they walked over to Niki’s bakery next.

“Niki! We plan to have a celebration tonight and Tommy wanted to help you out with the cooking, is that okay?” Tubbo asked as he walked into the warm bakery. Niki walked out of the back room with a tray of hot bread with a sceptical look on her face. 

“Tommy, you seem to forget that you are banned from my kitchen. Last time I let you help I almost had to get a new bakery,” Niki stated as she put the fresh bread on the shelves. Tommy laughed at the memory and Tubbo and Niki joined. After they calmed down, Tommy reached into the bag he carried around and pulled out two familiar books. 

“Can I try and redeem myself?” Tommy asked as he gave the books to Niki. Niki gasped at the sight of the lost cookbooks and quickly grabbed them and skimmed through them. 

“Thank you so much and I’m grateful you are using pieces of paper instead of writing in the books. I’ll look over the notes later but I’m willing to let you redeem yourself,” Niki smiled softly as she closed the book. Tommy smiled happily and Tubbo excused himself to go prepare for the celebration. They all waved goodbye before Niki led Tommy into the kitchen. 

“What are we thinking about making? I have some spices I brought from the Jungle that taste really good in certain recipes, hence the notes in the cookbooks,” Tommy explained as he explored the kitchen. Tommy took off his winter coat and put on an apron instead. If Niki saw his cuts, she didn’t say anything about them. Niki grabbed a piece of paper and pen so they could make a list of foods they planned on making.

“I was thinking about making multiple pastries and bread based items. We could also make some soups and prepare some vegetables as well. Sweets are definitely needed and I was thinking about different types of cookies,” Niki explained as she wrote down different dishes and where he could find the recipes in the many cookbooks she owned. Tommy hummed in agreement as he was handed a list of food they would be making. He knew how to make most of them from memory and decided to work on making the soups. 

“I think I’ll work on making the soups. I know how to make most of these from memory plus I can use the spices I have on me for these recipes,” Tommy explained as he set to work gathering what he needed. Niki hummed in agreement and set to work making the dough for the pastries. They quickly got into a rhythm of baking around each other that only broke when Tommy couldn’t find something or Niki questioned one of the new spices Tommy had. They worked for about 3 hours before everything was made or finishing in the oven. 

“You have definitely redeemed yourself Tommy! These taste delicious and those new spices of yours are definitely interesting,” Niki exclaimed as she tasted Tommy’s soups. Tommy gleamed with pride at Niki’s praise and started to package up the food so they could take them to the celebration. After putting on their winter gear, Niki helped him load everything into the cart they used to transport the food and then they were off to the town square. Tommy marveled at the new buildings and decorations that covered them. Niki saw him looking around and started to point out different buildings and their purpose. 

“And that one is Techno’s, he isn’t here often but he will crash here once in a while after a long journey. It looks like we are here Tommy! They really cleaned the place up,” Niki said as she approached the table meant for food. Tommy was close behind her as he gawked at the massive tree in the middle of the area. Niki chuckled at his reaction and nudged him towards the crowd that had gathered. 

“Go talk to your other friends. You’ve helped me plenty,” Niki said happily. Tommy nodded and waved goodbye as he walked towards the group. It was freezing compared to the jungle and Tommy was glad he remembered to make shoes to compensate for his talons. He instantly spotted Tubbo and hugged him from behind to try and feel his body heat. Tubbo jumped slightly but calmed down after he realized who it was.

“I’m assuming all the food is done? You guys were really quick but I guess having another pair of hands helped. I look forward to eating,” Tubbo said happily and Tommy hummed in agreement. He missed the warmth of the jungle but nothing beats being able to hug Tubbo again. Tubbo chuckled lightly before turning his attention back to the people he was originally talking to. Eret, Fundy, Phil, and Big Q were all talking about Phil’s travels to distant places. Eventually he got to when he met Tommy again and Tommy decided to step in.

“I think I deserve to say my point of view of our meeting too,” Tommy argued from where he was huddled around Tubbo. They all look at him in curiosity and Phil gestures for him to explain. 

“Well I was flying over the small lake I had found in the jungle when I heard wing beats and decided to hide in the tree line. I saw Phil and Techno approach the lake and Techno being him instantly noticed my presence. I decided to attack Techno and the pure shock on your guys' faces was priceless!” Tommy exclaimed as he burst out laughing. Everyone joined in as Tommy continued his story. 

“I decided to take them to my treehouse and honestly not much happened. We all just hung out and then I agreed to come back here with them,” Tommy finished causally. Phil gave him a sceptical look but Tommy shook his head. They didn’t need to know about the finer details. Tubbo seemed to sense his slight unease and quickly changed the topic. 

“I think almost everyone is here so why don’t we get ready to eat before it gets cold?” Tubbo asked the group. They all nodded and headed over to the table to get food and chat with the other people that had shown up. Tubbo grabbed Tommy’s arm when he tried to follow and pulled him back into a hug. Tommy instantly melted into the hug but gave Tubbo a questioning look. 

“Are you okay? You’ve seemed to be on edge the whole time you’ve been here and you’re more clingy than what I remember. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I'm just concerned,” Tubbo explained softly. Tommy froze and looked away from his comforting brown eyes. He didn’t even realize how on edge he felt until Tubbo pointed it out. He knew he was being clingy but he told himself that it was because he was cold and definitely not because he was touch starved. Tommy just shrugged and he gripped onto Tubbo tighter. He didn’t feel like talking with all these people around. Tubbo seemed to pick up on what was troubling Tommy.

“I won’t force you to talk right now but if you want to talk later, I’m here. You said you lived in a jungle before, right? I bet you’re cold so let’s go eat some warm food and grab a mug of hot chocolate, okay?” Tubbo asked softly as he broke the hug. Tommy nodded and smiled softly at the shorter boy. 

Everything will be okay for now.


	2. Phantom Pains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song is “Momento Mori” by Crywank! Very Angst heavy chapter!

The celebration was going great in Tommy’s opinion. He had talked to many people and had even met some of the newer members of SMP. Sure, he was slowly getting overwhelmed by the amount of people coming up to him and saying how much they missed him, but that didn’t matter. These were his friends and he should be grateful for them not hating him. That didn’t mean the voices in the back of his head stopped talking. It was getting late and only a few people were currently sitting around the massive bonfire they had set up. Quackity had pulled out his guitar and was singing songs while very drunk. Fundy and Ranboo gave him ideas of what to sing. Everyone was laughing and chatting happily around him and Tommy didn’t know when he had started to zone out. 

“Tommy, are you okay?” Tubbo asked him quietly. Tommy jumped slightly as he was forced out of his zoned out state. Tommy made eye contact with Tubbo and nodded slightly. Tubbo gave him a sceptical look but didn’t push any further. Tommy looked over to Quackity and wondered if he could get his hands on a guitar later. He had been taught by Wilbur but never really had as much passion for it as Wil use to have. He started to play again during his exile. He made his own guitar and would play as a distraction from his self harming thoughts. Tommy got the urge to rub his arm at the thought of his scars. 

“Would you like to play a song, Tommy? Wilbur must have taught you how to play at some point, right? You’ve just been staring at the guitar for a while so I thought you might want to play,” Quackity explained as he offered the guitar to Tommy. Tommy froze and looked at the guitar and then the people still sitting around the fire. Most people had left now and the only people still there were Quackity, Tubbo, Eret, Fundy, Ranboo, Phil, Puffy, and Niki. He grabbed the guitar with a shaky hand and gingerly set it in his lap. 

“Any requests?” He asked with hesitation in his tone. He knew what he wanted to play but he didn’t want to ruin the mood with such a depressing song. For a second no one spoke up.

“Have you ever written anything? You should play a song that means a lot to you,” Niki said from the bench she was sharing with Puffy. That was the one thing he hoped no one would ask for. All his songs talked about him being alone and the suicidal thoughts he had during exile. This was a bad idea.

“A-are you sure? I don’t want to dampen the mood with my songs,” Tommy asked with a shaky voice. Niki nodded with a soft smile and everyone else seemed to not mind. Tommy nodded before bringing his hand up to start the song. He took a shaky breath before playing the first few cords.

“Everyone I love is gonna die,” he sang slowly at first.

“And I will die as well,” he sang a little louder now.

“I think about this before I sleep, and have since I was a child” Tommy put his heart and soul into the song. Growing more and more confident.

“In my life, will I make a difference? In my death, will I be missed? Will I be granted some sort of an afterlife  
or will I just cease to exist?” He felt his scars itch under his coat. A weird phantom pain coming from them. He kept playing and singing. 

“This fear makes me feel so naive. I wish that I could just accept, but I'm chilled by the redundancy of  
thoughts collected, but not kept,” He felt tears start to weld up but paid them no mind. He was lost in the song now.

“Oh, I want to be a baby again. Oh, I want pure thoughts in my head,” He repeated the line a few times before getting ready to end the song. Tears ran down his face but he didn’t realize nor cared. 

“Oh, I want to forget,” He paused for a second before finishing the song, just repeating the first few lines.

Everyone I love is gonna die, and I will die as well. I think about this before I sleep, and have since I was a child,” he sobbed slightly as it ended and tried his best to wipe the tears running down his face. He felt someone hug him and quickly realized it was Tubbo. He melted into the hug and as Niki and Puffy clapped softly. Everyone seemed to be in a mild state of shock or too drunk to comprehend what was happening properly. Tommy pushed away from Tubbo and offered the guitar back to Quackity.

“Nah, keep it man. I think you’ll get better use out of it than me. I have more at home so don’t worry about it. You should play another song, if you’re up to it. Having people to listen to your songs can be one of the most freeing experiences, man,” Quackity said, shaking his head. Tommy nodded and smiled as he put the guitar down beside him. He didn’t feel like playing anymore at the moment and decided to lean on Tubbo for support. He was exhausted plus he still had some tears streaking down his face, not quite over the amount of emotions he felt while playing. 

“Tommy, do you wanna go home and sleep? You seem pretty tired. That song took a lot out of you,” Tubbo asked softly as the others went back to chatting, some getting ready to leave for the night. Tommy nodded and stood up, saying his goodbyes to the group. Phil made sure to give him a hug before he and Tubbo left the group for the night. 

“Do you want to crash at my place since it’s closer?” Tubbo asked as they walked. Tommy nodded, not trusting his voice. Tubbo grabbed his hand and squeezed a little before leading them to his house. Tubbo’s house was made out of wood like most things in L’Manberg but had banners with bees on them in front of the house. 

“We started using banners as a way to mark whose house was whose. We can get you custom banners to put in front of your house soon. Anyways, I will show you where we will be sleeping. I don’t have an extra bed so we will have to share one, sorry,” Tubbo explained as they walked inside. Tommy nodded and quickly took his shoes off and set down his guitar. He had made custom shoes to compensate for his claws but that didn’t mean that he was used to wearing shoes. He personally found them restricting and uncomfortable. His claws clicked on the floor as he walked.

“Thanks for letting me stay, Tubbo. I don’t think I would have slept if I went back to my old house, if I’m being honest,” Tommy said as he followed Tubbo to the bedroom. Tubbo stopped walking and turned to face Tommy with a confused expression. 

“Why?” Tubbo asked softly. Tommy froze and looked away. 

“I doubt I would get any sleep being in that house because it’s so open and easy to access. I’ve lived up in the trees for about a year and am honestly very paranoid about sleeping on the ground again. Being here also brought back a lot of memories that I don’t wish to discuss,” Tommy explained, rubbing his arm to try and stop the phantom pains. Tubbo grabbed Tommy’s hand in his own and gave him an unreadable look. Tommy was shaking badly now and trying not to cry for a third time that day. 

“I’m here if you want to talk about anything. I refuse to leave you again and hope you can forgive me for sending you away. I have no excuse for how I acted last time we talked but I'm sorry for all that I said. I truly am,” Tubbo said as tears started to stream down his face. Tommy also started to cry and pulled Tubbo into a hug. 

“I forgave you a long time ago. I never blamed you for my exile and I’m sorry that you’ve blamed yourself all this time. I don’t plan on leaving again. Not without you,” Tommy said as he clutched onto Tubbo. 

“Does that mean you’ve blamed yourself all this time?” Tubbo asked. Tommy froze. 

“You said you never blamed me, does that mean you blame yourself for my actions?” Tubbo asked cautiously. Tommy nodded and sobbed harder as his legs gave out, pulling both of them to the ground. Tubbo ran a hand through Tommy’s feathers to try and calm himself and Tommy down. 

“Please don’t blame yourself. You were pulling a prank and I over reacted. Dream tried to control both you and me and knew if we were together he could never do that. I don’t blame you Tommy. I blame myself for not seeing what Dream was trying to do sooner. I’m sorry Tommy,” Tubbo explained as he cradled the broken boy in his arms. Tubbo knew how hard it must have had to not have anyone for so long. At least he had Ranboo and his friends to keep him in check but Tommy has had no one for so long. He’s come to terms with what happened and knew what mistakes he had made. Tommy had not.

“They hurt, Tubbo,” Tommy sobbed

“What hurts?” Tubbo asked softly 

“My thoughts. My scars. Everything hurts,” Tommy answered. Tubbo ran a hand through Tommy’s hair as he whispered sweet nothings and soft sorry’s to the boy in his arms. They stayed on the floor in each other’s arms for about an hour until Tommy couldn’t physically cry anymore. Tubbo convinced him to stand and took him to his bedroom so they could try and sleep. Tommy froze when he started to take off his winter gear. ‘Tubbo will see’ he thinks to himself.

“What’s wrong, Tommy?” Tubbo asked softly as he noticed how tense Tommy was. Tommy was too lost in his head to even hear the question. ‘He’ll know! He’ll know how broken I really am. He’ll probably think I’m weak and leave me.’ Tommy thinks to himself. Tommy feels a hand touch his arm and flinches harshly away. He feels himself panicking and looks at Tubbo in confusion. Then he sees them. Tubbo is showing him his arms that are covered in scars and burns that look too clean to be on accident. 

“You’re not the only one with scars. It’s going to be okay and I’m here for you,” Tubbo says softly. Tommy nods and finally takes off his winter gear to show his arms. He also took off his pants to reveal the shorts he wore underneath. You could see the scares on his legs too at this point. Tubbo gently grabbed one of Tommy’s arms and starts to place soft kisses to his scars.

“What are you doing?” Tommy asks blushing.

“Proving to you that ever part of you is beautiful and that you don’t have to hide anymore,” Tubbo answered before grabbing his other arm and doing the same thing. Tommy let’s him, and watches as Tubbo slowly makes his way up his scarred arm. Tubbo backs off slightly when he’s done.

“Better?” Tubbo asks softly. Tommy nods and looks away while blushing. Tubbo smiles and guides him over to the bed so they can sit down. Tommy looks around as he sits on the edge of the bed. It’s a simple room full of different shades of green and bee themed stuff. There’s pictures on the wall that he can’t see that well in the poor lighting and some random stuff lying on the desk next to the window. What really caught Tommy’s eye was the picture frame on the side table.

“It’s a pretty boring room but it does the job. I usually crash in my office at town hall. That’s where we met Ranboo earlier,” Tubbo explains as he sits down next to Tommy. Tommy nodded and reached for the picture frame on the side table and picked it up. At first glance he knew exactly what it was. 

“This is my letter to you. Why did you frame it?” Tommy asked as he looked at the letter. Tubbo rubbed the back of his neck with a slight chuckle.

“Well I didn’t want it to get damaged too badly. I kept it in my pocket for about two months but realized that it started to get damaged over time so I framed it,” Tubbo explained as he looked away. Tommy looked closer at the note and noticed small rips on the corners and what he suspected were tear stains. The note was written quickly and some words were nearly impossible to read but Tommy knew the note by heart. 

“Dear Tubbo,

I’m sorry that I was a burden to you and I hope we will meet again soon. I have a confession to make just in case I never see you again. I love you. More than a friend. You’re the reason I will and have to keep living. Goodbye for now.

,Sincerely Tommy <3” Tommy read the note and smiled softly. He set the picture frame down and turned to Tubbo. He grabbed Tubbo’s hand in his own and squeezed slightly. Tubbo turned to look back at him and returned Tommy’s smile with his own. 

“That letter wasn’t lying when it said I’d keep living for you. About 3 months ago I almost killed myself and you’re the real reason I didn’t die that night. I hadn’t slept or eaten in almost 4 days and one night I just snapped. I grabbed the nearest blade I could find and held it to my chest. I was so close to plunging that blade into my heart but for some reason a bee had found its way into my house and landed on my hand. I couldn’t go through with it in the end. The bee made me remember why I was still trying to live on. Who I was living on for,” Tommy explained softly. He probably would have started crying again if he could, but he was still very drained from his earlier breakdown. Tubbo cried for him instead.

“I’m glad that you’re here Tommy. I think my love for bees has grown even more now,” Tubbo joked slightly. Tommy chuckled slightly and pulled Tubbo into a hug. 

“I don’t think that’s physically possible, but I think I’m done with emotions for the night. It’s time we head to bed,” Tommy said as he fell back on the bed, pulling Tubbo with him. Tubbo squeaked slightly but quickly got comfortable while laying on Tommy’s chest. Tubbo did his best to pull the covers over both of them.

“Goodnight Toby,” Tommy said softly.

“Goodnight Toms,” Tubbo said back.

They both slept with no problem that night in each other’s arms.


End file.
